Anxious eyes look up at the ref. The ref looks down at his watch, raises his whistle and blows three times. Game over. The victors are jubilant – all screams and shouts and hugs and high fives. The vanquished are dejected – they slump to the ground, head between hands with eyes that look lost and forlorn, studying the blades of grass in hopes of an explanation. A reason. A justification. Some days are like that.
What I have learned over time is that the final score does not and should not define who you are as a person. Losing a game does not make you a loser. Nor does winning a game make you a winner. That is not to say that games should not be competitive. They should be. And if you choose to play competitive sports there are (unless you play 5 day test cricket) only two outcomes. Win. Lose. However, the lessons that are to be learned lie in the process of how that outcome came to be, not in being fixated on the final result. Perhaps this Japanese proverb sums it up best,
We learn little from victory, much from defeat.
Through defeat we rekindle the spark. We hit the gym to get stronger and faster. We analyze tape, scheme new plays, work on new strategies. And we do all of this because of that next chance that lies in wait. That next game. And the one after that. And maybe eventually another opportunity for a shot at a championship game. Perhaps then we will win. It still won’t define us winners, but it will define our character as players who accepted defeat as an opportunity to to learn and grow, confident in the knowledge that better is possible. And if we were to lose … as Winston Churchill says …
Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts.
I am proud of you Juju.
March 3, 2018 at 10:12 am
This is a beautiful post. It makes me think of Brene Brown’s Daring to be Great that I am currently reading. She writes that we can’t attach our identity to winning, or being thin enough,or rich enough, etc. We are enough, just as we are. I love the way you said winning doesn’t make you a winner and losing doesn’t make you a loser. The scene where one team is elated and the other is crushed resonated. My son is 7 and loves soccer. He is a very good soccer player. Last season, in one of the first games they played, he got frustrated that his team was losing and walked off the field. As parents, we were upset with him that he left his team and didn’t show good sportsmanship. It was an important life lesson- win or lose, you stay with your team and try. He never did that again. So sometimes we win, and sometimes we learn.
March 3, 2018 at 11:53 am
Sometimes we win, sometimes we learn. Love it. Thank you for sharing.
March 3, 2018 at 10:38 am
Better is possible;
Preferable, even.
Humbled by loss,
we keep our heads
down, to think, to wonder,
to imagine many paths
forward, so that
we are ready for
the next time opportunity
knocks us down.
— Doing some line-lifting to make poems as comments. Apologies for the intrusion.
🙂
Kevin
March 3, 2018 at 11:51 am
I like it Kevin. Thanks for the upgrade!
March 3, 2018 at 12:32 pm
There is so much to be learned from our defeats and it is one of the greatest gifts we can give our kids to recognize that.
March 3, 2018 at 2:14 pm
Beautiful post. Being a soccer player for many many years, I know these feelings of victory and defeat well.
I wish I had had coaches who had viewed failure in this way. That failure gave you an opportunity to learn and an opportunity to grow, that it wasn’t just an outcome to move on with. Reflection is so important in the learning process, and I hope to bring those opportunities to my students each day I work with them.
Thanks for the opportunity for reflection this morning 🙂
March 3, 2018 at 8:49 pm
Hi Ashley, yes that process piece is so
important. Glad you found my slice worth reading 🙂
March 3, 2018 at 8:47 pm
Thanks for the compliment, much appreciated.
March 3, 2018 at 10:46 pm
Great opening paragraph, Alex. It’s well crafted with variety in sentence length, use of stylistic fragments, and parallelism that sets up the contrast of win vs. lose. Churchill’s quote is a keeper.
March 4, 2018 at 1:17 am
This is very true! This is a lesson I always teach my own kids. I relate the win and lose concepts to making mistakes. When we make mistakes, we allow ourselves to reflect and learn new things. Through this process we discover new things and place ourselves on new paths!